I miss the days when I smoked just because, ate because I was hungry, slept because I had to and grocery shopping was not a chore. 

I miss the days that I was carefree, responsible for only me and my pug Kosmo. 

I miss the days that me and my boyfriend spent the days in bed, afternoons drinking cocktails and nights dancing away and passing out. 

I wish I knew then what I know now. I heard people say it, generally those that were always much older...."time flies." 

Time really does fly we have been married almost 11 years, and our babies are no longer babies. Soon our children will be teens and we will be entering the third quarter of our lives. 

It flies....time does not wait. I feel like I spent a long part of my life wishing it would go faster. Praying for that party to come fast enough. My grade level to end so I could get to high school, I think I even wished college away the first two years because I was so homesick. It's funny how now in the last years of my thirties with the appearance of my first grey hairs I'm holding on tighter than ever before. I'm hoping that moments will last longer, my physique will stay strong and my health will remain stable. 

I want to LIVE more true and louder than ever before! Half way, half assed living is no longer for me. Schedules and strict bedtimes work but they don't always have to be adhered too. I tried my whole life to be so perfect, to behave, no tattoos, no drugs, no sleeping around, no drinking. 

Brick my brick I am taking down my wall of inhibitions. I am truer to myself and my husband than I have ever been. He is getting to know me and loving it and I'm getting to know myself and loving it more. 

I can't wait to live long, happy and healthy with him. The last two weeks have been a total nightmare I am praying that it is almost all over. The miscarriage, the back to back D & C procedures, the pain, the bleeding, I want it all to end. I see the light today. I see the light at the end if this tunnel. 

The strange thing about that saying is that this tunnel is getting lit and another one will lie ahead. The challenges of the last two weeks have scarred me but made me stronger and brought me and my family closer together. 

There it is the reason for everything. Life is really a bunch of cliches. I'm just happy I'm around to experience them. 

I'm grateful for my health and my family's health. I'm grateful for the house full of children's laughter, tears, tantrums and sibling rivalry that God has blessed our home with. 

I'm grateful for the ability to grocery shop whenever I want to, just because I can. I'm grateful that I can feed my children and provide them with all their needs and wants. 

I'm grateful to be free, live in a country that is not being torn apart by wars and violence. I'm grateful for the freedom to express myself in my relationship and to beloved equally and passionately by my husband. 

I'm grateful for the early nights, the late nights and the early morning snuggles. 

I'm grateful for it all. Time is flying but I'm living life in the best company and that makes me so overwhelmed at tomes it's too much to comprehend. I guess I'm good, although time is flying, I'm growing and learning and loving it! 
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