It's crazy how a small bundled baby 👶 came home with us and almost ten years later she is trying so hard to be a big girl. Seriously? Not even a big girl, a brave, strong, independent woman. I often find myself asking is this my baby girl? Is this my screaming, colicky infant? No, it's my pre-teen screaming at me, her brother or her father or a combo depending on the day. Finally, I ask myself is it hormonal? Have we entered those unchartered waters so soon?
Is this the bundle of joy that I carried around for nine months inside me? Waiting and wishing to meet her and then once she arrived I consoled every cry, met every need, and stood by to help her take her first steps, say her first words and now she's all grown up and doesn't need me? I know we need each other but why can't she see it? How can I get her to see that everything will be okay?
Ten years later, both of us have grown, and both of us are still learning while we are grow together. At almost ten years old, she has a fierce opinion, she wants to wear lip gloss, she has crushes, best friends, reads on her own, prepares snacks for herself and her younger brother, she's a writer, an avid reader and a performer. How is she all these things and still believes it's not enough? I'm in awe of her, and worried at the same time, because I see her struggle.
She wants to do it all alone and all perfect. Perfection is not a standard that I strive for where does she get it from? I guess it doesn't matter who she get's it from, its part of her. Part of how she functions, she wants things to be perfect. How do you unlearn the need for perfection? The questions on my end are endless, and sometimes I feel pretty hopeless, and other times I feel very hopeful. I guess that what people mean when they say parenting keeps you on your toes.
My baby, now big girl cries, she screams, she yells and blurts out mean things. She sometimes accepts my hugs but a lot of the times she doesn't. In those fits of anger and bursts of total sassiness I still see my little girl....
Yesterday she was in a little funk and I decided to meet her where she is. Instead of reprimanding her for verbally torturing her younger brother and her dad and myself, I opened up. I showed her that vulnerable is ok, crying is ok, being hurt is ok. I also showed her that compassion has no limits and our love for her is boundless.
She broke down the wall that she has been building and said "I don't deserve your hugs, I'm bad." Nothing has made me cry more, I told her "you are everything to us! We love you it's ok to be in a bad mood, just try and remember to be kind." My husband and I were on our way out just before this emotional explosion. When we came back this is what we were welcomed with, a handmade, detailed thought out card by our beautiful little girl who is growing up in lighting speed. She ran downstairs to make sure we got the cards and gave me the hug I have been longing for for weeks....possibly months. It was warm, it was heartfelt, it was vulnerable and it was beautiful.
Our babies are destined to grow up....some faster emotionally and physically than others. There will be great times and trying times. What I learnt is that it helps to meet your child where they are instead of having the traditional expectation of them meeting up to adult standards and rules all the time. They are just little people trying desperately to be big people.
This is how I coach adults, I meet them where they are....so why not do it for my kids.
