I feel like I fell asleep after a few too many glasses of wine on New Year Eve, woke up the next day and it's half way through January. For me January has always been a kind of discovery month, a month of resolutions made, that never stuck, and guilt was always around to remind me of how horrible I was doing. Why are we so harsh with ourselves, as young women, as mothers, and as people? I don't have the answer but in searching for it I found myself thinking of the years passed, the girl I used to be and the woman I'm becoming.
In my twenties I fell in love, I had my heart broken and I fell in love again. I was enjoying being free and careless, buying outfits for a Friday night, having cigarettes outside the gym with my best friend and eating late night falafels and French fries after drinking and taking shots all night. Sleeping in until 1:30pm and eating my first meal at 4pm....My 20's were crazy 😜 to say the least. I also experienced my first health scare and thankfully everything turned out well. And then I had my first child, a life changing experience....
In my early thirties I was settling into a new norm, earlier nights, not so much drinking, no more smoking. The experimentation phase was coming to a close. I was finding the ground beneath my feet, almost recovering from my twenties. And then I had my second baby let the sleepless nights continue. Again I was challenged to discover a new normal, my energy levels were being fed by cuddles and smiles and giggles from our beautiful kids and not from caffeine and newly found love and crushes.
In my late thirties I've experienced a new phase of self discovery. A deeper level of communication with the man that owns my heart, my body and my mind. We have gotten to know each other better than ever, discovering a new path, a new kind of normal. I also discovered my old friendships and rekindled memories I had forgotten, memories of who I was before. Before the kids, before the marriage, before the cross Atlantic moves, before the health scares and the recovery periods.
I look around and see that all of us in our late thirties and forties are thirsty for youth, excitement and challenges. The kids are getting older, the sleepless nights are less and the focus is on fun again. The adults want to play more than ever before. It's true. We can become more playful as we age. As long as we are not feeling pressured by what others think we can be ourselves with those we ❤️ we are in a good place.
And round about then I think to myself...."Theodora I missed you and I'm glad we crossed paths again, stick around the next few years are going to be great.
In my forties I think I'll be a kid again and resort to old practices, sleeping in, going out late, laughing until I cry and harborineg no regrets while making new memories just so we have something to look back on in the later years.
But for now half way through the first month of 2018 I'll focus on self love, appreciating how far I've come, loving the body that has birthed two beautiful happy humans and nurturing the relationship with the man that was once a boy who has my heart forever.
Why focus on resolutions that I may or may not keep when I can focus on living, learning and appreciating each and every moment?
